Britney Spears is speaking out about her estrangement from her sons and the loss she feels in the wake of their ongoing, highly publicized rift. The pop star shares her two sons Sean Preston, 16, and Jayden James, 15, with her ex-husband, Kevin Federline, whom she was married to from 2004 to 2007.
In a series of audio clips posted on Saturday, Spears emotionally revealed, “Since they’ve been gone, I’ve honestly felt like a huge part of me has died. Literally, I have no purpose anymore. They were my joy. They were my everything. I look forward to seeing them. That was what I live for. And then all of a sudden, they were gone and I was like, ‘oh my God, did my heart just stop beating?’”
She went on to address the change in her and Federline’s custody agreement. In September 2019, the exes amended their agreement away from a 50-50 split, with Federline caring for the boys 70 percent of the time.
Spears explained that she “used to have my kids at one point, way more.” She continued, “I mean, people don’t remember that part because they always focused on the negative, but from when they were 6 to 9 years old, I had them 70 percent of the time.”
This month, Federline and their youngest son, Jayden, sat down for an interview with “60 Minutes Australia” where they revealed Spears is currently not in contact with her sons.
“Yeah so the boys have decided that, you know, they’re not seeing her right now,” Kevin said of Jayden and Sean’s choice. “It’s been a few months since they’ve actually even seen her.”
Addressing the rift, Spears said, “I don’t understand how it’s so easy for them, just to cut me off like that. I don’t understand it.”
She continued, “All I know is my love for my children is more than anything, and I’m sorry if I hurt you guys in any way,” Britney said. She went on to offer a message of hope for reconciliation, “Until then, Jayden and Preston, I adore you. I was told you guys have blocked me. I hope you’re using your punching bag I gave you,” she said. “You guys are unbelievable in the gym. Happy early birthday. You guys can do pull ups. Wow. You’re skilled in everything you do. I’m so blessed to even call you mine.”
Britney has previously responded to her son Jayden’s ITV interview where he hoped their relationship can repair in the future, saying her love for her children “has no boundaries and it deeply saddens me to know his outcry of saying I wasn’t up to his expectations as a mother.”
However, in a follow-up post on September 5, Britney questioned Jayden’s motivations for doing the interview. “It saddens me not one of you has valued me as a person,” she said.
More From ET: